Why is Marriage So Hard?
Marriage is hard work! Marriage is beyond anything anyone could have ever imagined. Right? Not necessarily. There is so much debate about whether marriage should be hard. I have heard the one argument that all good things should be difficult. I have also heard that if something is so difficult then it simply might not be meant to be. So who is right? Fundamentally, both are incorrect. Let me explain why. The arguments revolving around the challenge of marriage are fixated on the manifesting behaviors or conflicts that emerge. Think about the couple that shows up the therapy for the first time. After a long intake experience they will be asked what they believe to be the problem. They will be asked to elaborate on what they are upset about and what it is about their partner that hurts them. After several weeks of this, the couple will begin to feel better for a momentary lapse in time and begin to believe that as long as they communicate what they dislike about their partner or what they need, that all will be ok. I am certainly not downplaying the power of therapy, as it does work for some couples. Rather, I am making an argument that couples are missing the root of their issue...the fundamental premise of what brought them together in the first place.....ENERGY!!!!! It is the energy factor that is also pulling you apart. You can try to convince yourself that it is your partner's blatant disrespect for your need for alone time after work, or your partner's inability to make an emotional connection with you that is causing your pain. This is only part of the issue. Think about why one is likely to get irritated by such behavior and you are getting much warmer in understanding this thing called ENERGY!
Similarities of Differences? What creates the Spark?
As the great Tony Robbins has suggested, things in common cause a spark, but things that are different are the root of chemistry. Think about that for a minute. We spend so much time looking for things that we have in common vs. trying to understand how we are different. Yes, we need a certain amount of value similarities to connect with our partners. After all, it is very difficult to enjoy life with someone who doesn't believe in what is most important to you. But this is another topic all in itself. Let's stay focused on our topic today of energy. Male and female energies (not men and women) exist from very different perspectives of communication, emotions, feeling, and thinking. It is this very different energy that brought you and your partner together in the first place. I can also be certain that when you met your partner, you were both operating from your traditional energy base. As the female energy, you were hopeful the masculine energy would take charge, ask you out, plan dates, and possibly pay. As the male energy, you were attracted to the feminine essence, the goddess within, how she moved, and possibly how she listened to your every word. Masculine and feminine energies are steered by very different forces. Masculine energy is primarily driven by direction in life or by a life mission (Who am I? Am I enough? Can I provide?). The feminine energy is driven by emotions and intimate relationships (Will my decisions impact others? Why does my partner sound different today? Is he mad at me?). We are born with our primary essence at birth of masculine or feminine. It is only through life difficulties and childhood situations do we learn to wear the mask of the opposite energy to protect us. It is this polarity of energies that causes the issues you are experiencing in a challenging marriage.
How Do I Save My Marriage?
I am almost certain that if you were able to determine your true primary energy and examine how and when you have worn the mask of the opposite energy, you can certainly begin the journey to healing your marriage. Well guess what? You can do just that. I have created a program called Synergistic Healing for couples. You will learn your primary energy and that of your partner. You will learn how to take off the mask and begin to live your life as your true self. You will work with your partner to learn about their true needs and desires and how to improve the flow and transference of energy between you both. You can find one another again and return to that amazing chemistry you once had. Contact me today at email@example.com to schedule your information session or review additional information at www.transcendent heart.com.
Start the holiday and New Year off in the right direction and with the one you love.
From the bottom of my heart,