A Period of Reflection
As a Transformational Life Coach I am often asked how do you know when it's time to change. My reply is always the same....you know when you have had enough. When you feel that aching in your bones that you are about to simply lose it or can't take another minute doing the same thing you have always done. Whether it is the fact that you have stayed in that relationship too long, hate going to work each day, dread the phone call from that "friend" who simply saps your energy, or you are truly unhappy with personal aspects of your life...then ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! Do you want to wake up and realize you stayed 30 years too long? Do you want to look back on your life and go "OMG...I haven't lived at all?" Most people answer that they would never want to feel this way, yet many find themselves in this very spot in life. They regret not living their life to their full potential. They regret staying in that friendship or romantic relationship with that person who simply took away their energy and love of life. They regret not spending every moment they could with their children playing and having fun vs. over disciplining or worrying about every little aspect of their children's lives. I am here to say you can still have the life you truly deserve. Scream at the top of your lungs......"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Look yourself dead in the eye in the mirror and apologize. Say to yourself that you are truly sorry for neglecting you.
You Must Set Boundaries
The greatest of athletes know when to walk away. Follow the path of the athlete and know that if you continue to not change the very thing that has you awake at night, you will find yourself in a much worse position. So many couples stay too long to the point in which they hate each other. Think if they had been strong enough to say I have had enough that they may still be friends...possibly even respect each other more in the end? Think of those of us who faced abuse by our attackers because we let these people into our lives and let them come back after hurting us. I am not condoning abuse of any kind, but you have to take accountability for the part you played in letting that person in. Knowing why you engaged in such negligent behavior will aid you in never repeating that pattern and moving on and attracting healthy relationships. I remember coming across the following quote: "I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me." - A.G. After reading this quote....I had my breakthrough.
The "BREAKTHROUGH"
When I experienced my breakthrough I also came to the conclusion that I was truly afraid of the unknown, the uncertain. I needed certainty but nothing is truly certain in life. I also had to face my own trauma from losing my father. I continuously found myself in relationships with individuals that I believed would validate me. Individuals who saw me as beautiful, intelligent, or attractive. I was searching outside of myself for everything that only I could give myself. I had to begin a long and arduous process of healing the inner child within. I had to take SOUL responsibility for my own life, for my own behaviors, and begin to live life for ME. No one else was going to walk up and live my life for me. Facing the pain head on was the scariest thing I ever did but I knew it was the way to truly gain comfort in my own self and in my own identity.
You must begin to feel the feelings fully. As the saying goes, you must feel to heal. You can no longer continue to avoid these feelings as they will only keep the experience around longer. You may also never get the closure that you truly need. However, try to identify what the experience has taught you to help you develop a sense of closure from within yourself. This will be far greater for your emotional healing and prevent a recurrence of you returning to a negative situation. Visualize am empowered YOU. You were strong before this situation and you will be far stronger after. Begin to visualize you engaging in activities that you love and surround yourself with people that you know have always been there for you. Chances are you were isolated throughout the toxic situation. Reconnecting with those who truly love you is vital to emotional recovery. Begin to see yourself as the beautiful and resilient Lotus flower which grows despite being laden in mud. What blooms above the surface of the water is magical and spectacular. You are Beautiful! You are Enough!
Start Your Healing Today
If you are experiencing emotional pain and unable to move past a toxic relationship or experience, please contact me by filling out the contact page and telling me your story. Start your journey today! You do not have to suffer any longer.
Happy New Year!
Dr. Renee